Day 15... Just Because Yesterday was Easy...

March 8, 2018

 

Just because yesterday was easy doesn’t mean today will be.  That isn’t meant to be fatalistic.  It’s meant to emphasize that the activities we do to create fulfillment and satisfaction must always be done, most importantly, when it’s not easy.  As I’ve applied these techniques, even 20%, I have begun to feel a positive shine settling in, imbedded with a sense of peace I haven’t felt in a long time. 

 

However, it’s not a bullet proof peace.

 

Today I went to the grocery store, which is some kind of trigger for me.  I don’t know why, but I feel completely alone there.  There’s something desperate and disconnected at the store.  Perhaps it’s the sensation that we’re collecting things that in centuries past, we would’ve had to create, and we’re so disconnected from the source of what we need.  I feel like I can see that strange hopelessness on other’s faces as well.  It’s strange because, coming from a perspective of gratitude, one might assume we’d be overjoyed there.  I mean, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF!  It’s just right here for me to pick up!  I don’t have to kill any chickens, milk any cows, or grind ANY grain.  This place is GREAT!  But how often do we feel that way at the store? 

 

I’m having a bit of an epiphany…  I’m seeing where my mind was off, which led me to failure.  At the store, I saw disconnection, dependence, and weakness, but that’s just a perspective, not the whole truth.  I didn’t go to the store in gratitude.  What if I had?

 

Still, there is a LOT of disconnection.  Expressionless faces.  Few people speak.  But what did I do about that.  I know that if I want something to change, I must be the change I want in the world.  In the past, I’ve taken up this change, brightly talked to people and had some great conversations.  I’ve seen people’s faces go from dead to illuminated.

 

These are some good thoughts for me to keep front and center the next time I go to the store.  Be present, come in with gratitude, connect sincerely.  I’ll report on how that next trip goes.

 

Going in with what (I realize now) was a failure perspective, I walked out feeling de-energized and dark.  I was grumpy with traffic, struggled with positive thoughts, and snapped at my son when I got home.  I tried to get back to a positive place, taking some time for gratitude and presence, but the negativity I had ‘experienced’ at the store remained on me like an oil slick.  Seeing now how my habitual negativity of the store caused me to have a bad experience makes me want to double down on this project because I don’t like the feeling I had this afternoon.  Not at all.

 

I prefer the feeling I had yesterday.  I think I’ll go back to that now…   

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